This week my project took a full 180 degrees turn.What was meant to be a weekend visit to my partner who lives in Okrney turned out to be a full week due to us both getting Covid.In my fevered delirious state i started to wonder if the cloaked figure I had imagined was actually a premonition of my own covid due to the fact it had a rib sternum as a face covering.I had felt so lost with what esactly the world was going to be that connected to the cloaked monster but now I knew.That world was this world and Covid visits us when we least expect it.The most hideous monster of them all

Covid Feels like.

Covid feels like: Burning hot pokers pushed into your eye sockets.

Covid feels like: Having your head crushed slowly by a car door.

Covid feels like: A lump in your throat that will swallow YOU whole.

Covid feels like: ‘Welcome to the worry factor’

Covid feels like: ‘I’m gonna fail,I’m gonna fail’

Covid feels like: ‘I can’t afford it’

Covid feels like:’Rich,Rich,RICHARD’

Covid feels like: *SNORES*

Covid feels like: *Cough…spew…cough*

Covid feels like: ‘it’s chocolate,it’s something you like’

Covid feels like ‘Not on your nelly,not one little bite’

Covid feels like: Missed opportunities.

Covid feels like: -£900.18

Covid feels like: There had to be a positive.

I wrote this in the midst of covid and altho I felt down and burnt out by it to start with one night whilst wide awake with the shivers I felt inspired to write this.

I also kept a diary entry.

When life gives you covid make a cup of mucus.

Day 1 8pm: It all started when I went for dinner with Richard and the girls. He wanted to sign up to

Rev comps and I was trying to ignore the fact that I felt ill until he went to sign up and it delayed us

leaving so I blurted out ‘I feel ill! Please don’t!’ Can we go now?

We watched 1408 as it seeped in I sure as hell wished we hadn’t as most Stephen King movies are

like a fever dream anyways and I swear this just made it worse. I didn’t know what day of the week it

was by the time it had finished and my temperature soared through the roof. Rich tested me.I was

negative which was the positive in my mind.

DAY 2 5am: Searing pain in my eye sockets, my head feels like it’s been slammed in a car door several

times. The pain keeps me awake the chills make me not want to leave my bed to search for

ibuprofen. Decided to wait until almost day light (which takes a while in Orkney in the winter) to

wake Richard because I couldn’t handle the pain much more. Out of the goodness of his heart he

wet me a small towel and applied it to my head and eyes. It was a small gesture but one I was so

grateful for. I finally slept until 9am.

He took the day off to look after me.

He’s too sweet.

I lay on the couch lethargic and coughing up flem balls like flemy cat.

Somehow, we came to the unanimous decision that going to the spa would be a great idea.

(It was not)

Turns out the sauna and steam room did not clear the flem in my throat it just made it SO much

worse. It felt like the thickest flem ever that I couldn’t clear or get up. The coughing was leading to

me gagging, which was so embarrassing (especially in public)

Rich told me to spit.

I’d rather swallow.

I was meant to be going home tonight but I had to reschedule due to feeling so ill. It cost me £30 to

reschedule.

Day 3: I slept so well!!!!I woke up so refreshed!!I never sleep like this, I barely even noticed Rich

leaving for work! The hill is alive with the sound of…shivers? The cough of doom? FFS. At least I

managed to get the clothes washed and some of the dishes done though. I decided to run another covid

test because something isn’t right here…

POSITIVE.

Messaged Rich because he was in a meeting. He comes home then…

POSITIVE.

Couples who get covid together stay together right?

His &hers

How sweet.

I had to reschedule the ferry (again)they let me do it for free this time though because to travel with

them with covid is against their policy. Thank God as I had no money left.

Feeling so para about Uni, had to cancel my welding session, tutorial and everything. I didn’t want to

fail.I can’t fail. I really don’t want to fall behind but what can I do?

I messaged Pernille, she said t would be ok to talk to her about it. That and the 10,000 other things

keeping me behind just now. My Dads ill ,my cats ill ,I’m ill. I have no money. Urgh.

I can’t differ again. Not this time.

We played stardew valley. It was addictive yet therapetutic I can see how people got hooked during

lockdown and how it helped mental health. Planting, listening to rainfall and relaxing music.

We watched Goodfellas.

Day 4:I couldn’t sleep, Rich’s bed is as solid as a mortuary slab and my hips and back cant take it. I

shivered so much, hugged him for warmth but even he wasn’t his usual warm self. I didn’t wanna get

up because I was too cold to turn the heating on. I finally got up and turned it on. Tossed and turned

consistently. My back and hips hurt, it was too hot it was too cold, coughing,I thought covid was

meant to make you lethargic? I thought up a spoken word poem about covid and all of a sudden it hit

me,

THIS IS A POSITIVE.

The hooded creature with the rib sternum IS COVID. The elephant in the room!!The ultimate

creepester in the room! The one guy you didn’t invite to the party but he turns up anyways

UNINVITED. No matter how big or how small he is he’s there.

I moved to the livingroom to sleep but the ideas paced and paced my head.

Day 5:I can’t smell or taste. Somehow I never noticed this until now. It makes life so abysmal.I keep refusing food and Rich is getting worried. Trying to makesure I atleast take supplements. We went for a walk across the beach. I only managed half way before feeling absolutely freezing,I feel that this was mostly down to me not eating. Everything tastes like textures. My head feels heavy. All I want to do is sleep constantly. I moved the ferry again to Friday this time. Luckily having covid means you can’t travel with them so they will transfer the trip for free.

Day 6: We chanced a walk to Tesco. The exercise did me good and if it was Richard’s way we would be climbing mountains by now but am I fuck. He tested negative. Can’t help but feel bitter about it! Starting to wonder if I will ever test negative at this rate. Or even get my taste and smell back. Not looking forward to getting the ferry home tomorrow especially feeling like this.

Day 7:Even packing for the ferry  was a killer let alone getting on it. It was pouring down too which wasn’t great, the ferry wasn’t too rough atleast.

Day 8:I had to wait atleast 2 hours on the train. Forcing myself to eat food I couldn’t taste and then struggling with my luggage to the taxi rank. Taxi driver felt so sorry for me after I told him my multiple sob stories that he gave me a can of energy juice.haha.

Day 9:still positive and I need to pick the cat up.My brothers autistic OCD traits were going into overdrive. Sanitising my hands at his door, wearing a mask. wouldn’t let me use the toilet or touch anything that wasn’t Tia’s. I’m definitely greatful that this happened now and not during lockdown as I spose I would of faced this off everyone. Went to the shops, bought food but barely ate it.

Day 10.Still positive although my mentality is not.Apparently I am well over the infectious stage so is ok to return to the public even though I feel guilty about doing so.Rich is sending me vitamins.I managed to eat breakfast and lunch although it felt like yuck. Mushroom stroganoff tasted like the texture of slugs. Emily made me eat a banana for her project because the joke is that I ‘wouldn’t be able to taste it anyway’ I still hated the texture. I couldn’t even swallow so I spat. Spoke to Pernille, feel better about things now. I will just take everything one step at a time and stop comparing my workload to last years. Done printmaking prep which was an effort and a half. Pushed myself to stay all day and do as much as possible

Did you know your an amazon warrior?

I decided to smear body paint where i felt it the most which was my eyes,head and throat,I also felt like I was drowning in my own mucus which wasn’t particulary a pleasent feeling.Mucus which never comes up.

During a talk from a lecturer (Delia) in my expansive module she mentioned how Amazon Warriors use a type of red seed which is also used to colour cheese in the West and cheesey crisps etc to smear there bodies with in order to protect them from measels!I was in shock as I knew nothing about this but instinctively I was drawn to do this!

I think when I return to uni (hopefully next week) I will ask fellow students who have had covid to go over their stories of it and to choose a colour that they feel best resembles their experience with covid aswell as interview them about their experience.

The covid monster.

I decided to play about with the idea of covid as a monster,the cheap halloween costume kind made from an old snotty bedsheet.But first I decided to create it in shadow form watching over me whilst I slept.

One..two..Covids coming for you.. I like the fact that this shadow figure was reminiscent of ghostly figures from the victorian era.

On the right the figue of ‘Nadja’ from ‘Art and the Occult’ prehaps ‘The Covid Monster’ is like a spirit figure only ever seen by thoose who are hallucinating due to fever.